Sometimes I Think My Mind is Going to break

Moments like this I so glad for technology and well I’m very glad for this blog for many reasons. This most important is that I can say things with our fear of my words being changed around to benefit someone else. Or that anxiety or sensation like feeling of people are not really listening to you. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me as most of us do this to others even me. Though I try my best and I hate when I don’t listen and once it get hard to break. The thing I understand as based off everything I experienced throughout my life is that most people don’t like being ignored. Most humans are social and all of us have experienced someone not listening to you. It happens but lately I have come to the understanding that you can tell if a person gives a shit or not. First, you got to remember everyone’s brains work differently and when a person is really like really focused on some sort of task, they are most likely not going to hear everything. I know from my own experience of this on both sides, like when I catch myself doing it or others doing it to me. Now this is where it can take some time to know or see when a social interaction with another person is more stress and anxiety then it is worth. I’ve always loved the 3 times is a charm thing as I’ve kind of used that as my rule of thumb for somethings. This instance would be social interactions that seem sour or not response back. I don’t know I just notice it more and catch myself before I waste energy. I’m not saying be an asshole or something.

Well I’ve seem to be in the probably the shittest of shit situations I have ever been in. And because of this I’m believe in karma and how people don’t think about how their actions affect everyone and everything. The situation I’m watching unfold gives me the most absolute deepest sadness in more then one way. I’ve never felt this before and in a way. My mom had said something to me about something else a while back “think about how your actions affect others“. I’ve told myself I’ve always wanted to watch karma truly unfold to people who do things that are just not right. Now I’m regretting as stated I’m truly sad and depressed as well as I feel like I’m continuously walking on egg shells. It sucks when I bust my ass too to overcome the walking on egg shell when I’m in constant pain with bulging discs from my neck down to my lumbar from a car accident in 2012. I feel bad for all the other affect by this retarded shit that should have never fucking happened to me in the first place.

The thing is I’ve kind of always been bullied so I can see through people’s actions a bit more. But because my love for knowledge, science, and facts I take more deeper looks at things and situations as one understanding I do have is most people are good. Just at that dumbass stage in their lives. Though the person or persons who said the statements that lead to this entire situation are bad people. That I know for sure. I just wish that it had never happened but I know I can’t make others do things or not fucking lie.

Anyways, thank you for reading. if you don’t know what I’m talking about go a head and contact me here: Contact the creator or read this article which is the only other public post about this situation.

This didn’t just hurt me as a person but also a business owner as well. It makes it hard for me to try and promote my own thing or even want to talking about myself around them as I never know if someone is changing my words around. Not only did I not deserve this is a prime example of one of our problems in society. Bullying which is the cause of mental issues including anxiety and depression.

Thanks again for reading.

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Life with pain and limitations

So first this is going to be a multi-post meaning it will have more then one topic. This is because I have a lot going on and I kind of need to write as well for more then one reason. First I posted my job blog post on this site in the Craigslist resume section to one increase my views and also start trying to get a different and better paying jobs that cares and works well with person’s with disabilities as that is what I am. Here is the Craigslist posting: https://spokane.craigslist.org/res/d/about-that-time-to-get-better/6701339654.html I’m only looking of work in the Spokane, Wa US area unless remote work is available.  Also I wanted to state that soon I will be having a premium member access and payment options soon to help cover costs of running the site and if I run into any issues with my posts. Although, I do my best to be right in that I as well as the site never intent to harm anyone but in some sense people do it to themselves and what goes around comes around is what I truly believe and maybe it is because of some of the things I have seen throughout my life.

Anyways, so today I’m in a lot of extra pain and it hurts like hell. I don’t have my actual medical records available at this time to give you guys what is actually going on but I will say I have bulging disc from my neck down to my butt. and some compression on my annular cord in my thoracic area. Today it really hurts at times to a point it makes me want to to give up as it so unconformable and makes it hard to move. And let me put it this way. I work 47 hours a week on average and one day off a week. This is part of the raise I want a different job or where I’m making enough running my own company I don’t need to work for anyone else. Right now I’m trying to make it and deal with it as much as I can. All this shit because of a car accident and now I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I am thankful for the amount of tools and medicine have available and the help. Thank you for reading my complaining. Today is just one of those days where I’m in a lot of extra pain.

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Life Surprises Me All The Time, But Not Always Something I like, Damn Human nature

Most of the time in life I’m usually pretty easy going and was more so before I had got a major injury that has affected the rest of my life. I was injured in a car accident with FedEx and to this day I regret settling my case instead of going full force law suit. But the amount of stress and the extra bullshit from the  case and my own legal team that I actually still have stress issues and anxiety and anger with. But I know for what goes around comes around. I will never stop believing that as I’ve seen enough in my life to know that it does. Anyways, so I was hit by a FedEx van that was going 60 mph on Highway 395 just outside Deer Park, Wa heading into Spokane to go to work at Walmart on north Colton in the city of Spokane United States. I suffered multiple bulging disc from my neck down to my lumbar spine. This happen in 2012 and I still have issues to this day and it’s never going away. But I’m doing my best to manage my pain and doing pretty good for the most part. But I have a bulging disc in my neck, I think like 2. I have 2 in I think in my thoracic spine with some slight compression on my spine between T7=8 and T8-9. I also have some bugling disc in my lumbar I think one disc is slightly degenerated. I would have to look at my MRI stuff. Anyways I might go more into detail about this later on in a later post of something.

So as you can see I have a lot of issues including a degenerative eye issue called keratoconus which I had all my life pretty much. Basically I don’t have as good of vision as most people. You could say I’m pretty damn disabled and yet I fee and have bee told that I work harder then most healthy people. I’m in pain all the time but do my best to maintain it. But its not always possible especially when your like me and work a crap ton of hours. I’m pretty much working overtime most of the time since Black Friday of last 2017. So I work a lot of hours for a company called Kellermeyer Bergensons Services where I’m a Crew Lead in their janitorial area of services and have been for a while now. About a year and half. I also run my own business since 2010. It doesn’t make much money but it starting too and trying to kick it up a notch. I have a 4 year degree, majored in Software systems engineering and minor in business management. But I have issues sitting for long periods of time now because of my car accident injury. So I don’t really work in my field of study except for my business. And I am getting management type experience from KBS (short for Kellermeyer Bergensons Services), but my experience working for them hasn’t always been the greatest. And by next year I’ll be making minimum wage again for boss work. I have asked for a raise many times.

LOL I’m always looking for the better opportunity here is my current resume located on my own secure web server for the most part ran by me with some limitations of root access: https://cdn.rutakus.net/resumes/Russ_gen-resume2018.pdf

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